Am I Ready?

Draft from earlier today:

I'm scared about today. Things seem different lately, but I can't quite grasp why. Perhaps I'm just freaking out. Things have gone up and down before, but I've always managed to pick myself up. I don't know, it just seems different this time. Somehow. I'll just have to let today play itself out and see how it goes.

Update to the draft: So it's finally begun. And there's not a thing I can do to stop it. I really don't know if I'm ready to face reality, to let go.

"What the fuck have you done lately?" I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore.